My Head Really Hurts


30/08/2025 | Olly Mathews:
"...So... Those will start when we leave the first pub,
the other awards we have as we go along our way.

We'll leave here in 15 minutes, we will go into the park
just over there and there is a skatepark just below.
We're gonna have a 10 minute timer and a free open-freestyle session
for anybody to win, the biggest stunt award...  ("oh dear")

After that we move over to the hill bomb..."


And so we hit the road...


Things initially went well. The skateboard I had bought that very morning 
seemed to be holding up, blissfully unaware of its impending retirement...


Eventually, we made it to the hill bomb... and I watched
as DJ Cosgroove lovingly waxed the pavement for us <3

This was the last thing my brain decided was worth recording.

But enough pussyfooting, it was time for a stunt.
I mean come on, there were prizes to be won!

And so, we sent it...


Whoever threw that bananna peel still deserves a slap >:(

At this point, I have to say a massive thank you to everyone who was there. 
You took the initiative, called the ambulance, and did all the right things. 
Honestly, I might not be here to complain about it without you.

Apparently the last words I spoke were:

"My head really hurts"

before blacking out completely...

Part 2: Recovering...

Ok so here's where shit gets rough, don't say I didn't warn you!

so they drive me to the hospital, I have a seizure on the way, 
I'm really just pissed I didn't get the ride in the helicopter, but hey you can't win them all...

My mum B-lines it back from Holiday in Slovakia and makes it to the hospital the next day,

Mum: What's the damage?

Docs: Well, your son has suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. 
      He's fractured his mastoid, has several undisplaced skull fractures, 
      and an intracranial subdural hemorrhage. 
      Basically, we need to open his head ASAP. Do we have the green light?

Mum: Crack him open. Do what you gotta do.

They perform the operation on the first of the September, it goes successfully,
but apparently they dropped part of my skull and had to leave it suspended in
some anti-bac stuff for 20 minutes (well done chaps).

After gluing me back together, I'm still completely knocked out, 4-5 days have gone by
now (I'm not sure the exact number) but yeah...


Eventually though, there are signs of life... kinda...


This is the face of a man who has:
    - been sleeping for 4 days
    - is being fed through his nose
    - is pissing through a tube in his knob
	- is on a VIP cocktail of Ketamine, Codeine, and Fentanyl
    - is receiving loving support from his friends and mum <3


I have to though, jesus fuck I was completely fucked up during
those early days when I woke up.

here are some highlights:

Gravity 1, Norman 0:
Was super dizzy in the early stage, Tom Ainscow accompanies me to
the toilet waits outside, 10 seconds later he just hears from the bathroom,
UUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHH!!
he opens the door and I am a crumpled heap with my pants down on the floor.

He's still in there:
There was this physio working at the hospital,
according to my mate I absolutely hated him, he used to have me squeeze his
hand and I would be like "how is this supposed to help me?"

Anyway, he asks my mum to bring in a tennis ball to run some reflex tests. 
She brings it in the next day and hurls it across the room. I snatch it 
out of the air like a prime athlete. The physio is thrilled: "Well done, Norman!"

I then immediately dash the ball back at my mother’s head with full power. 
Physio: "Norman, no! You can't do that! I'm a doctor!"
Me: "Fuck you, I’m a doctor too, you can't tell me what to do!"

Apparently, that’s when my mum knew I was going to be fine.
Apparently when my mum heard this she knew I was still somewhere in there :)

Poor Nick:
Alastair came to visit,
I whisper Nick's name. He looks over, all concerned, "Yeah man, what is it?" 
I beckon him closer. Closer... until his ear is touching my lips. 
I whisper: "Nick... you're a dweeb." 
Then I immediately fell back asleep. Sorry, Nick.

Stretching the truth:
The doctors have a set of questions they
ask patients on the ward to check how their doing.
    - What's your name?
    - What year is it?
    - What month is it?
    - Do you know where you are?
    - What is your job?

I answered most of these fine most of the time, but on a few occasions
I decided to fuck with them, especially on the last question.

Doc: "Norman, what is your job?"
Me:  "I lift weights."
Doc: "...okay."

Doc: "Norman, what is your job?"
Me:  "I'm a professional skateboarder."
Doc: (Looking at my head staples) "Well, you're not very good at it, are you?"

Trippin balls and Wetherspoons
Because of all the drugs they had me on, I was basically trippin balls for days.

At one point hallucinated that I was in a hospital attached to a Ice-Hockey ring
in Slovakia.

I woke up and saw my friend Alessio

Me:      "Wow, Alessio! How did you make it all the way to Slovakia?"
Alessio: "Slovakia? Norman, you know there's a Wetherspoons just up the road?"
Me:      "No way... they have Spoons in Slovakia now?"
Alessio: "Yeah, weird huh?"
Me:      "So... we aren't in Slovakia?"
Alessio: "Probably not, mate."

this kick-stated a complete compulsion to get to Wetherspoons by any means necessary,
I asked everyone who came to visit if they could take me to spoons, I asked the doctors
if they could take me to spoons, I even asked the crippled man in the bed next to me
if he could take me to spoons, Eventually, we did make it there but it took 5 weeks.

Also, my feet were cramping, so I spent about 72 hours demanding 
foot massages from anyone within arm's reach. :)


Anyway we continued the recovery process, I told the physio to suck it
and took matters into my own hands, turns out skilling up dogs is a good one!




Anyway after all that, turns out we won the biggest stunt prize!

Worth it for sure :)


Finally to end, I have to include this incredible artwork from my cousin who gifted
me a new helmet for Christmas <3



See you next year for Norman Khan hosts the helmet pub crawl with optional scooters!!